ED: So, me and my friends have decided that we're going glamping for my birthday.
ME: Really? Who were you thinking of inviting?
ED: Me, Max, Ryan, Liv, Sid, Ella, Mimi, Charlotte, Monifa, Hanna, Jordan, mmm... who else, oh yeah, Fifi and Flo.
ME: But we don't have a tent. You can camp in the back garden... on the trampoline. That'll be fun.
ED: That's for babies.
ME: But if we don't have a tent we can't really go camping, can we?
ED: We can borrow one. Rosie's got one. Then me and all my friends can sleep in that and you and Daddy can sleep in the back of the Volvo - but NOT near the tent. You can park in a different field.
ME: I don't think it's a brilliant idea... It'll be nice in the garden. We can borrow those pretty, battery-operated night lights from Emma, and we can have a barbecue. I'll rig up a tarpaulin from the trees and get lots of duvets and pillows on the trampoline. It'll be really cosy.
ED: It'll be dead. No-one will want to come. WHY can't we go proper camping?
ME: Well, first of all we don't have a tent, and even if we got hold of one we won't have a clue how to put it up. Second, the Italia Conti mums will not want their children sleeping in the middle of the forest anyway, tent or no tent. And we don't know WHAT the weather's going to be like: it might be cold and raining. John and Joe wont want to come whatever, and I can't trust them to stay here by themselves. Oh God, and I don't fancy escorting everyone to the toilet block in the dark. Then, you don't know, some people might get scared in the middle of the night and want to go home. You're bound to be really noisy and squeal and annoy other campers. Oh, and I don't like the idea of a camp fire - it doesn't sound safe... What else... they don't allow dogs there...
ED: How do you know?
ME: I read it. Specially not whippets. They chase the deer.
ED: Give me one reason why we can't go glamping. You haven't even got a reason have you?
JOE: Can I get a gecko this week?
ME: No, the dogs'll eat it.
JOE: No they wont. I'll keep it in my room.
ME: No it's cruel. I don't want to be responsible for any more little creatures.
JOE: You wont be. I'll look after it.
ME: Anyway, what do geckos eat?
ME: Well, we'll see but I doubt it.
ED: (wanders back in) WHAAT?! HE'S GETTING A GECKO?? That's not fair. If he gets a gecko, I'm sorry but I'm getting a.... a hummingbird. I want a hummingbird.