The Life of Brian

So, while I was in Turkey gazing at this...

Brian was shut away in his Hackney attic toiling over this...

"Brian... think you need a holiday, maybe get some sunshine, change of scene..."
"I rather fancied a couple of days in Warsaw actually" 
"Why don't you cut that ear off and have done with it"

Still Waters

'Hidden' by Brian Ayling

Just as we're getting all excited about blossom on the trees and the prospect of a barbecue Brian's latest painting hauls us back through the mists of time (well, a couple of weeks) to the chill of winter and early morning dog walks when you could see your breath in front of the vanishing trees.

Designer Kitchen

What DIY do you, I mean we, have planned for this weekend then?
Well, the kitchen floor's knackered...
It'll only take ten minutes to slap a bit of brown paint over that.
No. I don't want it flat brown. I want that swirly Pucci pattern all over it.
Very well darling.
Don't sigh.

Spruce Up Your Home

Hi-Vis by Brian Ayling 70cmx90cm

As all those poor, worthless, unloved Christmas trees are tossed out onto the pavement, why not enhance your home with some longer lasting greenery? Brian's just finished painting this dramatic landscape of Clissold Park: it'll last a life-time and promises not to drop (in price).

My Metamorphosis

FINALLY, after two weeks of being stuck indoors with the flu I woke up yesterday feeling BETTER and fancied hitting the town. I ignored the “I think I might be coming down with something” off Brian and we headed out into the dank London air. First stop: The Crypt, Holy Trinity Church, Marylebone.

Flaming torches lit the way down to the cavernous, vaulted space where we were greeted with a glass of Champagne and a waxy slab of raw meat the size of a family hatchback and oozing blood - only the hipster perched on the corner, swigging fizz and appearing to be unconcerned about his swag gave the game away: that this was art and not something from the abattoir. 

The title of the exhibition, “Metamorphosis” was interpreted by most of the artists as a nightmarish mutation of decaying flesh into something a little prettier, and visa versa. Glistening tentacles coiled around road kill and adorned with sweet little hummingbirds anyone? Followed by a downy piglet whose spilled entrails have spawned a family of magical mushrooms, all topped off with another cute stuffed birdie. 
"Brian! You feeling okay?"
Other pieces were alluringly beautiful and macabre - an ornate, gilt and glass coffee table housed a barely-there, human figure, woven from gossamer thread - as fragile and precious as a holy relic. Hard to describe so here it is…

Paul Hazelton for All Visual Arts

Escaping up the fire escape to the mezzanine floor and we were face to face with the exquisitely detailed ceramic head of a startled hare, which, as you peer at it, creepily morphs into a frightening half-monster, half-human skull. All the kind of stuff that should set alarm bells ringing were you to stumble upon it back at your date's pad after a few drinks but quite at home in the dramatically lit crypt. I found the show mysterious, alluring and an excellent night out. There were a couple of things that I could happily live with – the picture that they chose for the flyer is an inspired cocktail of dark, lurking crocodile; dripping fruits and fairy lights and the other picture that I loved was the understated and classy portrait of a woman by Jonathan Wateridge - 

    

Wet Canvas

Like we haven't seen enough 'dramatic' skies over Clissold Park this year to last a lifetime....

Annual Anatolian Cultural Fete setting up shop in Clissold Park. Two weeks of stormy weather - guaranteed.

Brian has decided to paint a series of 'Dramatic Skies over Clissold Park' landscapes. Thanks B, now we can enjoy them indoors as well as out.  

'(It's All) Kicking Off' by Brian Ayling

Inspiring Weather

ANOTHER grey day in Hackney...

... inspired another beautiful, rather tasteful and not overly expensive considering the size (5ft x 4ft)  landscape by Brian [buy through Hackney Chateau quoting discount code:WKD-ART]

Top Gear

Well, it’s been a week and I can’t say I’ve really bonded with the new motor.

I’m still groping around for phantom keys in a non-existent lock to turn the stupid thing off and on reflection we probably shouldn’t have gone for the shiny black paintwork: fresh from the showroom, up Park Lane, once round Cagogan Square and into the underground NCP behind John Lewis - 2.7 miles on the clock and the guys that clean cars look up and call out “Car wash madam? Want your car washed?”

On Friday we had to deliver one of Brian’s paintings to a client in Norwich. Should have been a nice day out. They were taking us to lunch at Roger Hickman - all linen tablecloths and elegantly served nouvelle cuisine so I’d gone to a bit of effort – vintage cream satin shirt, black wool skirt, my favourite gold pendant from the 70s, short black boots, hair pinned up. After spending ten minutes in the rain trying to figure out how to arrange a modest size canvas and two whippets in the back while still being able to close the doors and the boot we set off - a damp disheveled mess. Brian drove - his first time in a manual for some time. After a jerky few miles, we made it as far as Walthamstow and he is muttering something about his loafers getting caught in the carpet. Next thing I know we jolt to a halt and a whippet is catapulted through from behind and lands on my lap laddering my tights. Enzo is still in the back, looking worried, peeking out from under an oil painting of a Norwich City shirt. Only 110 miles to go… We swapped drivers and B shares the passenger seat with both whippets - shedding hairs all over his black suit. Not quite the arrival I envisaged.

On the way back the dogs go rigid at the sight of the car, won’t get in and have to be dragged inside. 

At least the client was happy with her new purchase. 

Norwich City by Brian Ayling

Rockin' Art

And by a stroke of pure genius they included Brian's rock star White Leather Jacket painting in one of the shots!

We're Off To The Mall

ALL three of the portraits that Brian submitted to the Mall Galleries for the Royal Society of Portrait Painters Annual Exhibition have been pre-selected!!! 

Calm down Capri!!! They still might not get in. We have to deliver them next week and then the judges make their final decision.

Art Curator

Brian's just unveiled his latest portrait of Joe that he's been working on all weekend...

... and it's my job to find somewhere to hide hang it.

Cool Sculpture

An abundance of free sculpting material enticed the artists of Stoke Newington out early this morning...

Joe!!? does Ian's mum mind seeing this every time she looks out of her kitchen window?

Swan Vista

"What are you doing?"
"Just seeing if I can spot Joe in this photo of the crowd at the 125 year anniversary match we went to on Saturday."

"You're joking. Don't you have anything better to do? Where's my paper swan?"
"I just thought I'd have a little break. Those Hungarian origami instructions from 1911 that you found on the internet are quite tricky to follow actually...

...YES! Found him!"

"Where?"
"There, the one with all the scarves."

"Great. Now get on with that swan. These are all useless by the way."
"Okay,okay, (frantic paper scrunching noises) here you are."
"Good - but it's way too small."
"It's only a maquette darling."
"Whatever."

From Russia with Wallpaper

It's been a hectic weekend here with a Russian crew arriving yesterday morning. The British Embassy in Moscow granted them a visa for 2 days, in which time they had to shoot 48 different wallpapers in 48 different room settings, eat fish and chips, catch a show and take in Piccadilly Circus. 

Brian: That reminds me of the Tatlin Tower, you know, the tower that was designed by the constructivist artist and architect, Vladamir Tatlin as a symbol of modernity for the Bolshevik revolution? It was never built but was planned to be the headquarters of the Comintern in Petrograd, now St Petersburg. At 400m tall, dwarfing the Eiffel Tower, a projector was designed to be positioned at the summit to cast propaganda  across the clouds on an overcast day.

Sarah: Give it a rest. It's a roll of wallpaper for Christ's sake.

Coastal Christmas

Brian's lovely portrait of Bonnie is featured in the Dec/Jan issue of Coast Magazine. 

Styled by Portland Mitchell and photographed by Ben Anders at a pretty little hideaway by the sea... but you don't have to live in a cottage at the seaside - Brian's paintings look fantastic anywhere! :) 

Nice Bird

After a stroll past Liberty's yesterday I've finally put to rest something that has been troubling me for sometime - What on earth are we going to have as our Christmas table centre piece this year?! Answer - A Swan!

Magnificent as they are we won't be having a real one, firstly because I wouldn't know where to get my hands on one (well I do, but I think Liberty's got there before me) and secondly I don't want a repeat of last Christmas's calamity...

...so,  Brian has promised to make me one. There's some white colorama in the loft (the huge rolls of paper photographers use to create seamless backgrounds for shoots) and B reckons he can use that. I rather fancied a faceted swan, like the stallion I fell in love with in the summer ;) 

I'll let you know how he gets on.

Chill

Saturday midday.

Right. 48 bottles of wine to chill. A dozen limes to slice. 244 glasses to polish. Where’s the gin? I haven’t even tried that dress on properly – I think it needs taking up. 130 meat balls to fry. 130 salmon parcels to wrap. We need to buy ice. 6 candelabras to replenish. Have we got any matches? 7 vases to fill. 10 kilos of Turkish delight to dust. 67 paintings to label. 400 macaroons to sandwich together and assemble into a pyramid shape. What? Now? You want me to cut you hair now? Bunches of grapes. We need cascading bunches of grapes. Shift all that mess into here. Sit down. Shit! Who left the haircutters on that setting? Someone answer the door! It’s okay –artists are allowed to look eccentric. Turn that machine-gunning down! I can’t think straight. Don’t worry, I’ll even it up, no one will notice. 300 coat- hangers to untangle. Turn that Tchaikovsky up, I can’t hear it in here. There’s something wrong with these, they we’re fine last week when I did the boys' hair. Beers! Stack them in the downstairs fridge. You’ll have to move all those night-lights in the hearth - have you seen what I’m wearing? Turn that Tchaikovsky down! It’s deafening. Don’t eat those they’re not for you. Have you checked the garden? I’m not drinking tonight by the way. What time is it? That needs ironing. 4!! I thought we said 5 on the invite. Bloody hell, whose idea was that? Has anyone seen the tights I bought? Those 2 pictures are too high. What’s the point of spending all that money on scented candles and you're wandering around with a stinking Pot Noodle. What do you mean 'chill'? Is it too early to have a drink?...

Sunday Night

A quick, last-minute tour before we took all the art down...

...and life at Lordship Park returns to normal...

Dog's Delight.

The huge box where I have been storing the Turkish Delight felt worryingly light when I reached it down from the shelf last night. When I opened it the top two layers were missing.... 

"BOYS!" No response. Luckily for them Joe was in double music detention, Ed was ice-skating and John was in the shop.

I hurriedly made another batch - doubling up the quantities this time to be sure there's be plenty to go round.

No, I wouldn't leave a whippet to guard a box of Turkish Delight - I'm not that daft. This is an unnervingly realistic portrait of Enzo in his 'pleading for a bit of Turkish delight' stance - there's literally not a surface to set up a photo that hasn't been cluttered with Brian's paintings.   

Best Not Ask

God only knows what he gets up to in that studio, hour after hour....