Downton Style

Lordship Park had a stately homes make-over for this month's Living Etc Magazine.

Super Model

Soft Paris Hard Hackney

Soft Paris, the French equivalent of Ann Summers recently shot their campaign here. All boys were given strict instructions (by me) to stay out of the way...

Brian? BRIAN! Is that you in the background ? Didn't you hear what I said?

Designer Kitchen

What DIY do you, I mean we, have planned for this weekend then?
Well, the kitchen floor's knackered...
It'll only take ten minutes to slap a bit of brown paint over that.
No. I don't want it flat brown. I want that swirly Pucci pattern all over it.
Very well darling.
Don't sigh.

The Best Sets You'll Ever See.

Photographed at Lordship Park...

TOWIE at Lordship Park

White Christmas

Photographed at Lordship Park by Alex James

Something For The Weekend

Geordie Shore's Holly Hagan poses at Lordship Park for this week's Nuts Magazine

Vogue Shoot at Lordship Park

Bond Girl Messed Up My Bed

Naomie Harris photographed in Lordship Park bedroom by Yu Tsai

for German GQ magazine.

Berenice Marlohe photographed in the Lordship Park all white basement

Four Candles Please

When I went to Pilates last night I spotted something very familiar propped up in Kate’s hallway: a dirty rectangle of wood about the size of a kitchen-cupboard door and screwed onto it, in a haphazard arrangement, were a random selection of filthy door handles. We looked at each other, “General Woodwork” we said simultaneously. Kate had been to the closing down sale of our favourite shop of all time. (When I say ‘favourite’ I mean most visited. My favourite shop of all time is a vintage designer boutique in the cloisters of the Palais Royale Gardens – not having the guts to even enter the shop I have only respectfully admired the exquisite mannequins through the glass, expecting to be asked to move on at any moment.) 

The General Woodwork Stores on the High Street has been there forever and with stock from every decade of the last century gathering dust out the back it has been the most perfect place to find all the trimmings that we have ever needed to accessorise this outlandish place. A sturdy, beautifully carved piano leg, covered in cobwebs made the perfect newel post; funky, gilded door handles from the 70’s were just right for the Barry White bedroom; the biggest, brass, Victorian door knob for the front door; pretty, lemon-yellow, plastic handles for a 60’s kitchen; a whacking great big swathe of tree trunk came in handy for a shelf: they had everything you could dream of and more. Some years ago someone had painstakingly and unwittingly created works of art by taking one of every fixture or fitting in the shop and fixing it to the boards that lined the walls and it was one of these that Kate had procured and brought home.      

Unlike the Paris Boutique the staff at General Woodwork were not the least intimidating – three old boys, I think they were brothers owned the store and they never laughed at us once: smiled a little maybe when we explained some hair-brained scheme that we had in mind for, say, suspending a very heavy beaded curtain from the cornice or dismantling and reassembling an old cupola in the back garden. They’d listen patiently and then say

“I’m with you Brian... one of these might do the trick.”

GWS didn’t just sell fancy stuff: hundreds of tiny flat- headed, copper nails to fix the lead roof back onto the cupola; one extra large hook for the hanging chair; a yard and a half of medium-gage chain for said chair; plastic, recessed handles for sliding doors; hinges, nails, screws, bolts and brackets: anything and everything you could possibly need for any DIY project and the nice thing was nothing came in rigid plastic packaging and you didn’t have to buy ten of something if you only wanted one. Oh, and somewhere out the back they even had a box of dog biscuits to keep the whippets happy. We will really miss it.

Kate says “What are you going to do without it?”

“Move” I reply. “Sell up and move to a modern flat where everything’s already done.”

And I have just the place in mind…

Up at the reservoir they’ve built a 29 storey tower block with views all over London and beyond. Brian and I are going to have a look at an apartment there this afternoon up on the 23^rd floor. It’s still a hard hat area as they haven’t been fully kitted out yet. Perhaps I can request a 70s style kitchen and an 80s dining room and I’d really like a 50s bedroom and a Mad Men lounge. Hmmm... maybe a new build isn’t for me after all.

Dog walking at the reservoir yesterday.

Mad Dog

When you're a very small dog this must seem like a very big house. Forty five, steep, scary, cold, hard stairs from Ed's bedroom down to the draughty hall, across the living room floor and then another fifteen steps to negotiate down to the basement where breakfast is served. Even for a very brave puppy that takes some guts and after weeks of teetering on the top step plucking up courage to set off Lotus finally made her first descent unaided. Once she's off, like a roller coaster there's no stopping to catch a breath, no pausing on the thirteenth step to admire the view, no slowing down to check out that croissant crumb that someone's dropped and with no carpet to cling onto or cushion her trip it really is some white paw ride. After a day or two she is quite the expert and manages to weave in and out of the whippets legs on the downhill run. 
THEN came the ghastly silicone spray incident - see last blog.
The vile, slithery molecules had wafted through the air onto every horizontal surface in the house and so when Lotus launched herself off the top step yesterday morning things didn't quite go according to plan.
Boy was she mad...

Kate Middleton's Cuz Visits Lordship Park

Burlesque dancer Katrina Darling from Sunderland poses for Playboy at Lordship Park

Stills from a Dream

Dite Anata photographed at Lordship Park by Oggy Yordanov

Marie Antoinette Visits Lordship Park

Sarah! Sarah! Se reveiller, les saucisses pour les chiens sont arrives et ils ont besoin de congélation avant elles rancissent, ils est très important, réveillez-vous!

HELLO SUNSHINE

Welcome back warm rays of afternoon light...

Sunlit chandeliers...

Scrolling shadows...

and the sweetest silhouettes.

COOL ICE

Plans this weekend are to build our very own Ice-Hotel - with knobs on.

There's ice everywhere. Both fridges are rammed and there's some enormous blocks carved from a glacier outside the back door, gently drip dripping on to the camellia below.
Trouble is, I won't be able to summon the services of a regular old frost-bitten, fish-finger crumbed ice-cube from the back of the freezer ever again: not now I've been spoilt with exquisitely marbled, iridescent spheres of crystal-clear ice, the size of a tennis ball, or, when I'm in a more retro mood - roughly hewn chunks, more decorative than the most beautiful 70s Swedish glass candlestick.

On a different note: it's Mother's Day next weekend and I've been scouting round for a few essentials for my woefully ill-equipt kitchen. 

Boys!!!

A New Car

I think I’m a bit better. Well, I know I’m a bit better because I’m shopping. No, not exciting vintage cocktail dress shopping down Camden Passage: online shopping - for car insurance.

At the end of this month, the tax, insurance, MOT and residents parking permit all run out on the Volvo. Plus there’s a problem with its cooling system, whatever that is. (I’m sure it’s only a teeny weeny problem - if anyone’s looking for a much loved, twenty year-old, V90 estate, that starts without fail every morning, is big enough to easily take a 1970s sideboard and is a dream to drive please contact me.) Again, probably not a brilliant sales pitch but last time I filled up with petrol it cost £100.07. This week I’ve had to drive into the congestion charge 5 times: £45. We have to get something more economical.

Ed and I love those Fiat 500s but we can’t all fit in and Brian doesn’t like them at all. I have to agree with him that they are EVERYWHERE but he’s now making up stuff: he said he saw two fat traffic wardens wedged into one the other day and is trying to tell me that they’re traffic wardens car of choice.

BMW have brought out a car so green that you don’t have to pay road tax or congestion charge and it does 74.3 mpg as opposed to the Volvo's 5.0. They have also dreamt up a finance scheme whereby you pay zero deposit and a very low interest rate. Done.

So, where was I? Insurance.

Here we go. Direct Line - they're always advertising. Let's have a look... haven't seen this one before...

Where the hell is this place?? it's bonkers...

OH! I forgot! That was when they turned the basement into a wedding dress shop. Sorry boutique.


Probably best to go onto one of those price comparison websites for car insurance.
www.mone----------.com
Right. Name. Address. Age. Model of car. How many years have I had my licence? Hmmm, not sure. Oh, that's lucky, you don't have to be specific once it gets over thirty years. Any convictions, no. Ten years no claims bonus. Continue for quote...
£500. Not bad and that's for me and Brian. So £250 each.
"Mum, mum. This new car right. Is it going to be a manual?"
"Yes, shame they don't do the eco version in an automatic."
"Great, check out how much it'll be to insure me will you."
"It'll be loads."
"Check anyway. I think like maybe a couple of grand. That's my guess."
"Hang on then. Add driver. Age. Sex. How long have you held UK driving licence. There isn't a box for less than a week. I'll click less than three months. Here we go, date you passed driving test. Ready..."

Let The Kids Eat Cake

It was bit of a late one last night - after the crew finished packing up Marie Antionette's boudoir that they'd recreated in the front room. Still, at least I didn't have to cook supper...

Top Left-overs

Topshop Caked in Moss

Topshop Magazine's Autumn Winter story is online here. Photographed at Lordship Park a few weeks ago they've cleverly managed to conjure up the atmosphere of some romantic, semi-derelict mansion - abandoned to the ravages of time and the elements.
Brian! Get the jet-wash out the shed.