Me and the whippets absolutely froze sat outside in the Volvo for over an hour. Capri mutated into an invertebrate whippet and managed fit herself into the slither of space between the steering wheel and my lap for warmth while Enzo tried to keep distracted from the cold by glaring through the car window at a bunch of pigeons attacking a loaf of bread.
Eventually Brian and Joe trudged out of the art college building. Brian was laden down with two bulging backpacks full of sketchbooks to which Joe had tied a couple of plastic portfolios thus leaving his arms free to grapple with the 8 foot roll of paper. Joe walked ahead clutching what looked like a post-it note.
Me: "How did it go?"
Joe: "Good - I think - they gave me this."
Me: "What is it?"
Joe: "Dunno, they’ve ticked un-con-dit-ion-al offer, whatever that means"
Me: "Unconditional offer!! That means…, that means they really like you…. umm... that means that you, that you… that you get a place as long as you get all your GCSEs grade A – C, including Maths and English, like it said on the application form, DOESN’T IT BRIAN."
Brian: "Yes, that's right mother."
Some hours later…
Joe: "Hey John, I got an un-con… Mummy! What’s it called again?"
Me: whispers "Unconditional offer."
John: "What! He got an unconditional offer?!"
Me: "Yes, that means he just needs to get at least five GCSEs and he’s in."
John: "No it doesn’t! Joe man! it means you don’t have to pass any GCSEs at all. You can fail them all and they’ll still give you a place – dimwit."
Joe: "Bless. Does that mean I don't have to go into school ever again?"
Me: "Thanks for that John."