I have a new pet - the sweetest Robin darted about beside me in the garden ALL afternoon while Enzo was sound asleep indoors. He would only have barked incessantly at it, outraged that a creature had dared trespass into his territory and shocked and disgusted that I actually spoke to the waste of space. It was a pleasant day. I raked up some leaves and had a general tidy up out there because the minute night falls the garden will be transformed into a winter wonderland. The plan is to string fairy lights around the gazebo and dredge the patio with fake snow ready for our Celebrity Christmas Cover shoot. We are on high alert: a dress that is so exquisite and so expensive that it has it's own chauffeur driven car is being sent over from Knightsbridge. When it arrives we coo over it but don’t dare to touch it. When the sleb shows up there is no-one around to greet her because we’re all busy being bedazzled by the bejewelled dress. She makes her way down the side of the house, past the recycling bins and in through the basement door. Joe and Ed are sprawled on the sofa surrounded by crisp bags and half eaten toast snacks. They have headphones on and can’t hear her chirpy 'hello', so ignore her, not taking their eyes off the carnage on the TV screen. She clambers over the two whippets and picks her way through a sea of discarded shoes, school bags, PE kits and other crap that has accumulated on the floor.
‘Wasn’t that what’s her name off that programme?’ Ed says to me at bedtime.