Saturday, 3 December 2011


Me: Ed! ED! You’d better come and look at this email from Pineapple about the dress rehearsal tomorrow… hopefully we’ll be able to get a few bits together this afternoon.
… here we go. Right. Which number are you in?
Ed: How do I know? Read them out.
Me: Well, lets see, are you in this one? ‘You’ve Got a Friend.’ Are you in that?
Ed: Yep.
Me: Oh, that’s not too difficult then. It says ‘Mustard/Orange colour tops, black bottoms, black footwear'. You’ve got black bottoms and shoes and I think Joe’s got an orangey colour top you can wear. Great.
Ed: What else does it say?
Me: Well, there’s just a list of all the other numbers.
Ed: Read them out.
Me: Well, there’s ‘Firework'.
Ed: Yeah, I’m in that.
Me: Are you?
Ed: Yeah, I’m in Firework.
Me: Okay. Lets see… ‘Orange, yellow, green, blue. Bright firework colours. No logos please'. Hmmm…. We should be able to get that organised.  I’ll have a look through all the T shirts, we must have some bright ones from the summer. Good that’s all sorted then.
Ed: Does it say anything about Beyonce?
Me: Let me see… yes. Why?
Ed: I’m in that one.
Me: What? You’re in the Beyonce number as well.
Ed: Yeah.
Me: Yikes! You’re in a lot of things darling. What do you need for that? Let’s have a look… ‘Military Style’… what does that mean? Military Style??
Ed: I dunno.
Me: Oh God… Brian! What do you think they mean by ‘Military Style’?
Brian: Think Black Panther, urban, civil war rebel meets Dad’s Army.
Me: Ed. Are you in anything else? Are you in.. I don’t know… ‘Summer Lovin’’? Are you in that?
Ed: Yep. Yep I’m in Summer Lovin’’
Me: Are you? Are you sure? Are you sure you’re in ‘Summer Lovin’ Ed?
Ed: Yep.
Me: Oh no! Black leather jacket!! Where are we going to get a black leather jacket? By tomorrow? Shit, I should’ve looked at this earlier. Black jeans –that’s okay and black shoes - got them. Right, right. We’ll just have to say that you’re getting a black leather jacket next week. I’m sure that’ll be fine. Let’s not worry about that.
Ed: What about Dax’s thing?
Me: What about it?
Ed: I’m in that.
Me: You’re not!
Ed: I am.
Me: No, you can’t be.
Ed: I AM.
Me: Where’s the list?... Dax Number ‘Winter fashion – must have fur accessories eg hat, scarf, gloves’. Okay, okay, that’s fine. We’ve got that. I’m sure we’ve got some furry things.
Ed: I’m not wearing any of your stuff by the way.
Me: You’re not in the Autumn routine are you? The one you did at Britain’s Next Top Model? You’re not in that are you? That’s just the older kids isn’t it?
Ed: No, I’m in that.
Me You’re in that Autumn thing?! You’re joking aren’t you? You’re not in the Autumn thing. Haha! You’re joking!
Ed: I’m not joking. I’m in it.
Me: Jesus Christ! What do you have to wear for that?! Hang on…Autumn, Autumn, where is it? Here we are Autumn - ‘As before’. As before!? What does that mean? As before what?
Ed: And I’m in the finale.
Me: You’re in the finale?! Wait. Are you sure?
Ed: Yeah, everyone’s in the finale.
Me: Let me check that. Let me see what it says. You can’t be in all these things Ed. Let me see what it says about the finale. ‘Xmas Finale – Full Company’. ! You’re in the finale – ‘Black, red, white, furry, sparkly Christmas type clothing…’

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