Wednesday

Brian! The firearms handler’s here. They guy with the guns for the Bond Girls shoot. He said he thought he’d gone to the wrong address – he was expecting some big, gated place with security and stuff. I’ve left him upstairs with Lotus. I don’t know! I s’pose it’s those two actresses from the new James Bond film. Make sure the limo don’t pull up over Jack’s drive.

JOE!! Are you ready?? Hurry up. Yes we have to leave now. I told you already - you have to come and drop Ed off at the theatre because there won’t be time to come back here and then get to Angel. You’ll have to eat it in the car. ED!! We have to go. NOW. How can we bring the dog?? Joe and I have to go straight to City and Islington and try to get him enrolled on this A level course. We can’t take a dog with us. If they say no coz he ain’t got C in English Language then we have to get over to Camden Road at top speed and enroll him in that art course before it’s too late. Stop arguing. We’re late. There’s no way they’ll let a puppy in the theatre. Be quiet! Ed can go in the front on the way to the theatre and Joe, you can go in the front after we’ve dropped him off. Brian! Have you seen how much lighting they’ve got? I know. I’ve told them about no gaffer tape but they’re all German. Well it’s German GQ innit. Duh. Byeeee

God, these bloody traffic lights. We’re really late. I’ll have to drop you here. Jump out quickly before I get a ticket. Mind the bikes! Byee Eddy – dance good.

Right lets go. We’ll park in Sainsbury’s car park at Angel. Stop moaning – it’s only across the road. Try to look, I don’t know, awake. You know what I mean. Try to look alert and interested and like you want to go to this college to do A levels and not just because Ian’s going there.

We’ve come to enroll. Yes, we’ve got the results slip. Yes, all good. Just English Language. He got a D – I guess you’ve had quite a few people with the same problem. Really? We’re the first? I know it’s a C minimum but what with all the fuss and everything and he’s having it remarked. It was less than 2% off a C. But he REALLY wants to do A levels. Don’t you Joe? Well, I don’t see why a child should be deprived of the opportunity to study A levels on the whim of some Tory MP. Yes, we’ll wait here. Thank you.

Hey Joe. Did you hear that? He said “I couldn’t agree more” and he’s gone off to find the principal. Stop texting and pay attention.

Bloody hell Joe. That was close. You’re in. You better bloody well work for the next two years after all this. OMG! What’s the time ? Shit! You only get two hours free parking in Sainsburys. Run! You go and sit in the car. I’ll have to dash in and spend £10.

Here hold these. Let’s get out of here. I didn’t have time to get crisps. I just grabbed two bottles of wine coz they were right there in the fridge. Shush. We’ll be home soon.

Hi, put the kettle on. I’ll have to go in a minute and pick Ed up.